Humor is reason gone mad.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men—the other 999 follow women.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!

To me there is no picture so beautiful as smiling, bright-eyed, happy children; no music so sweet as their clear and ringing laughter.

My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain.

Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live.

Never eat more than you can lift.