Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

A good joke is the one ultimate and sacred thing which cannot be criticized.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men—the other 999 follow women.