If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

A good joke is the one ultimate and sacred thing which cannot be criticized.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men—the other 999 follow women.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.