The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men—the other 999 follow women.

A good joke is the one ultimate and sacred thing which cannot be criticized.

The surest way to relieve a man of his poverty is to make him uncomfortable in it.

It is a socialist idea making profits is a vice. I consider the real vice is making losses.

There are two ways to conquer and enslave a country. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.

Let me give you a tip on a clue to men’s characters: the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it.

The use of traveling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they are.

If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.

Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.